For many people, losing a game is simply part of the experience. For others, it can trigger frustration, disappointment, or even anger that outweighs the enjoyment of playing.
This is true for children learning to manage emotions, but also for many adults. People with ADHD, autism, anxiety or difficulties with emotional regulation may sometimes find losing particularly challenging. Equally, anyone can have a “sore loser” moment from time to time.
The good news is that board games don’t just reveal these emotions, they can also become a concrete space to learn how to manage them. Anick Pelletier uses them primarily in her work as a remedial teacher to provide a safe, fun, and experimental space for children and adults who need to understand their emotions and how to manage them.
Why losing feels so difficult
Losing isn’t simply about not winning. It can bring together several emotions:
- Frustration
- Disappointment
- Embarrassment
- A sense of unfairness
- Fear of failure
- Loss of control
These reactions are perfectly normal. The difficulty comes when they become so overwhelming that they prevent players from enjoying the game or wanting to play again. What matters isn’t avoiding these emotions altogether, but learning how to recognize them, tolerate them and recover from them. Psychologists refer to this as emotional regulation, the ability to understand and manage emotional responses in ways that support wellbeing and relationships. Currently, Prof. Eric Lambert’s team, which specializes in cognitive psychology, is currently conducting an entire project to how board games can help develop emotion regulation skills.
Games are safe places to practice emotions
One of the greatest strengths of board games is that they can create a safe environment for experiencing success and failure. Unlike other situations in everyday life, the consequences of losing a game are usually temporary.
This allows players to experience disappointment, frustration and uncertainty in a lower-risk environment where mistakes should have no lasting consequences. In this sense, board games become opportunities to practise emotional regulation.
One reason board games are increasingly being studied in education and psychology is that they repeatedly expose players to situations that require self-regulation. Many games ask players to:
- Wait for their turn
- Follow shared rules
- Control impulsive reactions
- Adapt when things don’t go as planned
- Manage both success and disappointment.
Research led by Anick Pelletier through the JeuMETACOGITE programme has shown that board games can support the development of self-regulation in school settings. Later studies also found improvements in children’s emotional and behavioural regulation after regular use of modern board games in the classroom.
Rather than teaching emotional regulation through lectures, games allow players to experience emotions and practise managing them in real time, within a safe and enjoyable environment.
The goal isn’t to avoid losing
When someone struggles with losing, it can be tempting to let them win. While this may reduce frustration temporarily, it also removes valuable opportunities to develop resilience.
Learning to lose is every bit as important as learning to win. Each game provides a chance to discover that disappointment is temporary, mistakes are part of learning and enjoyment doesn’t depend solely on the final score. The objective isn’t to eliminate losing but rather to help players experience it at a level they can successfully manage. As with any skill, emotional regulation develops through repeated experiences, reflection and practice.
Start with the right game
Choosing an appropriate game can make a huge difference. The goal is to create an optimal level of challenge, engaging enough to be motivating, but not so overwhelming that frustration takes over.
Several game mechanics can help:
Cooperative games
Research by Drs. Gray Atherton and Liam Cross found that cooperative board games create meaningful opportunities for social interaction while reducing interpersonal pressure. In cooperative games, players work together against the game rather than against one another. Everyone wins together, or loses together.
This shifts the focus away from individual performance and encourages discussion, teamwork and shared problem-solving. Players still experience setbacks and sometimes defeat, but these become collective experiences rather than personal failures.
Examples include Pandemic, Unlock!
Games where decisions matter
Not all games are equally helpful when learning to cope with losing. Games based almost entirely on luck can sometimes leave players feeling powerless because the outcome seems outside their control. By contrast, games involving observation, planning or strategy allow players to see how their decisions influence the outcome.
For players who struggle with losing, games that involve meaningful decisions can be particularly helpful. When players understand how their choices influence the outcome, they develop a greater sense of agency. Instead of feeling that victory or defeat was purely random, they can reflect on the decisions they made and identify strategies to try next time.
Build on players’ strengths
Every player has strengths. Some have excellent visual observation while others have an active imagination for storytelling. Some excel at planning, while others are quick problem-solvers.
Choosing games that initially align with a player’s strengths helps them experience competence and confidence before gradually introducing more challenging experiences.
For example:
- An attentive player may enjoy Dobble
- Someone who likes problem-solving might prefer Déblok!
- A creative player may thrive with Dixit
- A planner may enjoy strategy games like Catan
Celebrate more than victory
One way to reduce the emotional weight of winning is to recognize other forms of success. After a game, instead of asking only “Who won?”, try asking:
- What was your best move?
- What surprised you?
- What strategy would you try next time?
- What made you laugh?
- What did you enjoy most?
These conversations reinforce the idea that games are about learning, sharing experiences and spending time together, not just collecting victories.
Introduce challenge progressively
Just as games often include progressive difficulty levels, emotional challenges can also be introduced gradually. The aim is to expand comfort zones, not to force uncomfortable situations.
Sources :
- Pelletier, A., et al. (2020). JeuMETACOGITE: Self-Regulation and Metacognition at School.
- Cravet, B., Pelletier, A., et al. (2026). Using Board Games as a Protective Tool: Effects on Cognitive, Social, Emotional, Behavioural Outcomes, and Learning.
- Vita-Barrull, N., et al. (2022). Impact on Executive Dysfunctions of Gamification and Nongamification in Playing Board Games in Children at Risk of Social Exclusion.
- Atherton, G., et al. “We’ve All Come Together”: A Board-Gaming Approach for Working with Autistic People.
- Cross, L., & Atherton, G. (2025). Game Changer: Exploring the Role of Board Games in the Lives of Autistic People.
- Cross, L., et al. (2023). Your Move: An Open Access Dataset of Over 1500 Board Gamers’ Demographics, Preferences and Motivations.
